Fuck I’m walking downtown and I pass a group of guys staring at me and I think “great catcall time” but then one guy goes “you look like you could kill a man a million different ways with just your bare hands”. This. This is an acceptable comment to give a girl on the street.
Hey look, sometimes a misogynist just wants to settle in for a nice, quiet night of fantasy violence against stupid bitches, insulting other men by calling them women, and concealing their latent homosexual desires by accusing everyone else of being totally gay. Can’t a guy indulge his anxiety about his own masculinity in peace? WHY ARE YOU TAKING AWAY THEIR SAFE SPACES, FEMINAZIS?
…it’s not that there’s no room left for romance, it’s that you have to adjust your definition of what constitutes romance.
For example, when your husband sticks a can of Diet Dew in the freezer 20 minutes before you have to leave so it will be cold, and then takes daycare drop-off duty so you can microwave a hot dog for breakfast without being late for work, it’s Romantic. As. Fuck.
I maintain my position that store-bought guacamole is not a substitute for homemade guacamole, and you should never serve it to guests.
HOWEVER, I must also concede that 100-calorie pods of organic guacamole that fit in your lunchbox and are so perfectly filled/sealed without air that they don’t turn brown while waiting to be used are GENIUS.
“It should go without saying that I spent my teen years locked in that adolescent rigor mortis of trying to appear cool at all times while secretly working out what I actually liked behind closed doors in a basement lab in my brain. Mentally noting, “Oh, I don’t understand what the fuck would ever compel someone to live their life to this song,” and then downloading the band’s entire discography and hoarding it anyway.”—
“In 2008, a classified briefing note on radicalisation, prepared by MI5’s behavioural science unit, was leaked to the Guardian. It revealed that, “far from being religious zealots, a large number of those involved in terrorism do not practise their faith regularly. Many lack religious literacy and could … be regarded as religious novices.” The analysts concluded that “a well-established religious identity actually protects against violent radicalisation,” the newspaper said.”—Jihadists Buy ‘Islam for Dummies’ on Amazon | New Republic
Why yes, I am befuddled by people trumpeting their charitable activities to the world.
Because not every cause is equally visible to people not directly affected by it. Because every dread disease is not as common as cancer. And in those cases, the people depending on research funding that ought to be coming from the government but isn’t have to find a way to get enough attention and dollars swung their way so that the diseases that killed their loved ones, or that might kill them, can have new treatments developed.
Charities have always relied on the social aspect of fundraising- dinners, office canned good collections contests, donate-to-a-well-for-my-birthday campaigns, fundraising teams for 5Ks, relay races, etc. The only difference is that this one is especially successful at filling up one’s Facebook feed.
“These are forms of male aggression that only women see. But even when men are afforded a front seat to harassment, they don’t always have the correct vantage point for recognizing the subtlety of its operation. Four years before the murders, I was sitting in a bar in Washington, D.C. with a male friend. Another young woman was alone at the bar when an older man scooted next to her. He was aggressive, wasted, and sitting too close, but she smiled curtly at his ramblings and laughed softly at his jokes as she patiently downed her drink. ‘Why is she humoring him?’ my friend asked me. ‘You would never do that.’ I was too embarrassed to say: ‘Because he looks scary’ and ‘I do it all the time.’
Women who have experienced this can recognize that placating these men is a rational choice, a form of self-defense to protect against setting off an aggressor. But to male bystanders, it often looks like a warm welcome, and that helps to shift blame in the public eye from the harasser and onto his target, who’s failed to respond with the type of masculine bravado that men more easily recognize.”—
In case you wanted to keep bitching about the ice bucket thing
ALS CHALLENGE VIDEOS
Hi Carolyn, As someone whose life has been profoundly affected by ALS, I was curious about your opinion on the ALS ice water bucket challenges. Care to share?
– August 19, 2014 8:43 PM Permalink
CAROLYN HAX :
Overwhelming gratitude. ALS is awful in a bunch of ways, but one crucial way is that it doesn’t affect a lot of people, but devastates the ones it does. So, what that produces as far as fund-raising is a small, haunted core of people who wonder if they will ever make enough noise to get something done. Remember, there has been progress in research as there has been with so many other things, but in actual treatment, we haven’t got much more than was available to Lou Gehrig himself. Enter the ice bucket, and we’ve got money that might, just might, make a dent. The only down side for me is that I’m back to crying at strange times as all these memories and feelings are back at the surface, but fortunately for me my inner circle is so used to that by now that I can pretty much emote erratically in peace.
“Adult female gamers have unseated boys under the age of 18 as the largest video game-playing demographic in the U.S., according to a recently published study from the Entertainment Software Association, a trade group focused the U.S. gaming industry. While men still account for the majority of the U.S. gaming population, the number of women playing games on both consoles and mobile devices is up to 48 percent, from 40 percent in 2010.”—
“But the relationship… That’s why old ladies come up to us when we’re half dead with a 6-week-old strapped to our lopsided leaky chests as we’re waddling into the drugstore at 7 am to buy more diapers and say, “Enjoy this time!” They don’t remember the jobs [the work and tasks of raising children]. They don’t know it, but what they really mean is “Enjoy this person, this relationship that you’re starting and that’s only going to get better but also more complicated, and this love that will make you hurt and make you vibrate with the rest of the universe. Your boobs will stop leaking and diapers are only for a short time and you will survive, but this relationship is your chance to be better than just yourself.””—Free but not cheap — AskMoxie.org
I am all about reading stories about parents deciding to talk to their white kids about race, and Ferguson lately.
I read somewhere that black families start talking to their children about race at age 3, but white kids never hear anything about it from their parents until age 13 or something. And so no wonder white kids are completely ill-equipped to identify structural racism when it’s staring them in the face- their parents are uncomfortable discussing it, so the only message they get is “everyone is equal,” which is true in an aspirational sense, but doesn’t reflect the reality we all live in.
And it’s not that parents who do this are bad people- they tell their children that everyone is equal because they WANT IT TO BE SO, and they want their children to participate in equality, but it perpetuates the situation where the structures and institutions that create privilege stay invisible and thus can’t be dismantled.
I want to do better. I’m not sure how I’m going to just yet, but I’m trying to get smarter about it in a hurry. Not just for Charlie’s sake, but for the sake of all the little kids he’ll be running around the neighborhood with.
“Even those of us who learn from our mistakes will also repeat some. This business of being human is basically a jalopy ride over potholes, which is why it’s so important to ride with the best people you know, wherever possible, and to make sure you take note of any particularly beautiful scenery.”—
Friends’ daughter’s 2nd birthday party (where there were Goldfish and alsovanilla ice cream)
Spontaneous dinner invite from our favorite neighbors, the boys across the alley (where there were puppy kisses)
Apparently permanent loss of the robot blankie
We had a backup robot blankie
All the laundry in the house is clean except what we’ve worn in the last 24 hours. All the dishes in the house are clean except what we used this morning.
Charlie slept peacefully all Sunday night, woke up at the usual time for a bottle, then went back to sleep for an hour and a half
Because we were faithful to our routine of packing lunches and doing dishes before bed, and Charlie slept late, we both got to start getting ready at the same time, which meant we both got to eat breakfast that didn’t come from a drive-thru.
“For a mother, white privilege means your heart doesn’t hit your throat when your kids walk out the door. It means you don’t worry that the cops will shoot your sons.
It carries another burden instead. White privilege means that if you don’t school your sons about it, if you don’t insist on its reality and call out oppression, your sons may become something terrifying.
“White privilege isn’t inherently about being raised in an affluent, two-parent home with high educational attainment and markers of upward mobility in American society. White privilege is the many built-in perks afforded to white people by virtue of being born with white skin and white ethnicity in a social and legal system that enforces white supremacy as the rule of law. It’s not having to seriously think about or discuss how the situation in Ferguson will affect friends and relatives or even how a broader justice system will work to protect (or to not protect) the constitutional rights of black people.”—
“But no matter. What I found most appealing was the way that the practice of etiquette let you draw a protective circle around yourself and your emotions. By following the strictures in the book, you could drag yourself through a terrible situation and when it was all over, you could throw your white gloves in the dirty laundry hamper and move on with your life. I figured there was a big world out there and etiquette was going to come in handy along the way.”—
Since mornings have been the most stressful time of the day, we have decided that we will all be much happier/less stressed/not shouting if three things are done before the adults go to bed every night:
Toys picked up
Dishes in the dishwasher
All necessary lunches packed
This means that in the morning, once Tom gets downstairs with Charlie, he just has to take containers from the fridge and deposit them into the correct lunch bags with ice packs, and then play with Charlie until I get downstairs and can handle daycare drop-off.
It’s much easier to be patient about the constant interest in the cat food bowl and the frequent mobility-related spitting up if one doesn’t have anything else that absolutely must get done in that 20-30 minute window.
We’ve been doing this all week. It’s hard, because neither of us have gotten enough sleep this week with the late nights he worked so it’s a lot of discipline to do these three things each night instead of throwing in the towel and going up to bed.
But it’s helping a lot. The loss of half an hour of possible sleep is actually far outweighed by how much more pleasant the morning is.
And when someone with an infant tells you that something outweighs an extra half-hour of sleep, it’s a Big Deal.